Read The Interview With Dr. Wagemaker In USA Weekend...

Q: We’re careful about what we let our 3-year-old watch on TV, especially because he’s prone to nightmares. Even so, lately we’ve noticed him positioning his hand to simulate a gun, and he’s running around “shooting” everyone and saying “Bang! You’re dead!” Should we worry about this behavior? Where does it come from?

B. L. Texas

Just because your child isn’t watching violent shows or playing violent games at your house doesn’t guarantee he isn’t exposed to them elsewhere.

At any rate, unless your son is displaying red-flag behavior such as uncontrolled anger or physical aggression, his play-acting isn’t something to lose sleep over, says psychiatrist Herb Wagemaker, author of Taming Oedipus: Boys And Violence: Why? In fact, he says, because boys are wired biologically to be more aggressive than girls, then raised in a culture that tells them “real men” don’t cry, this behavior is an outlet.

His suggestion: In addition to telling your child gently but firmly that this behavior is not nice and not allowed in your home, the household’s male figure needs to check his machismo at the door. “Children mimic what their parents put out, and it’s important for the father figure to not only express his emotions, other than anger; but to encourage his son to do so,” Wagemaker says.

What society needs? More athletes willing to cry on camera and fewer California “governators” referring to others as “girlie men” (as Arnold Schwarzenegger did last month) as if it were the ultimate insult. Better yet, men need to start respecting women’s strengths to the point where they’re honored to be called “girlie men”
– but I digress!

This book is about boys and violence and how this plays out in schools. Parents want their kids in safe schools. The shootings at Columbine High School in Littleton, CO told us that schools are not safe.

The book deals with TV, video games, dangerous kids, movies, the family, the Internet and guns, all the things that play a part in a culture that supports violence. Can we have safer schools or is the task hopeless? We can have safer schools. There are things we can do to make schools safe. The answers aren't simple, but there are answers. The book discusses some of the reasons why boys are violent, what goes on in families, schools and the culture that produces an atmosphere of violence, and what we can do about it. As a culture we must make our schools safe. There are ways to do this.

• Paperback: 155 pages
• Dimensions (in inches): 0.41 x 8.31 x 5.33
• Publisher: Ponte Vedra Publishing; (December 1999)
• ISBN: 0965499642

tampedipus$13.95